I should certainly be writing a researched critical essay on the Romanticism of C. S. Lewis right now and not blogging. But I've been thinking a lot lately, and at some point it has to all come out. I figure I can get it out here and then perhaps the paper will be less overshadowed with my thoughts.
I've lived the past few weeks (months?) of my life in a state of dangerous apathy. At some point this whole moving to Africa thing became an excuse for me. Somehow the joking "We can't, we're moving to Africa" thing became a very real "I don't care, I'm leaving anyway" thing. I abused God's grace and settled for cheap forgiveness amidst the guilt of not being obedient. I was having a great time, and I was miserable.
About a week ago I was given the opportunity to be a small group leader at MS BSU Summer Missions Orientation, and I spent most of my time with these students trying to express to them how vital it is to their spiritual lives and their effectiveness as a summer missionary that they learn now how to feed themselves spiritually and prepare before they go for even the unknown challenges they will face. Now, this sounds impossible, right? I mean, how can one prepare for that of which he or she does not yet have knowledge? I attempted to explain to these students that God will prepare their hearts now for what He has in the future, even if they do not realize it is happening. In order for this to take place, though, they must be actively seeking Him.
Even as I spoke to these students I realized my message was one that had been staring me in the face for months as I struggled as hard as I could to see around it. Why am I so stubborn? What is it in me that shies away from direction, rebels at correction? I hate this! I must constantly struggle to put this stupid sin nature in me to death, yet somehow the truth is applicable that Christ has already conquered! I should be celebrating my (His) victory rather than still crawling around in the trenches poorly dodging enemy fire. This simply leaves me achy and covered in blah.
This is what I want to do now. I have roughly 3 weeks left in Clinton. Everything in me wants to be at home, and any little bit left over wants to be in Africa. However, I am here. I am sitting in West 227 on the campus of Mississippi College in Clinton, MS, and I am here for a reason. My Father has placed me here with a purpose, and I must care.
So to one I have wronged, I owe you a deep and sincere apology for not treating you as the beloved, priceless, incredible soul that you are. I desperately hope that my thoughtless actions have not pushed you along a path opposite that of which I hope to walk. I pray your soul will find rest in God alone, and that when you cannot find the control you long for, that you'll trust Him to direct your paths.
I'd like to leave you with this quotation from C. S. Lewis (see? I am working on that essay a little) that has been of much benefit to me when I choose to think on it and live according to its truth. Where I have been tempted to live carelessly, this has brought me back to a sobering but beautiful reality that guides my steps with much more caution and love.
There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whome we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. (from The Weight of Glory)
I've lived the past few weeks (months?) of my life in a state of dangerous apathy. At some point this whole moving to Africa thing became an excuse for me. Somehow the joking "We can't, we're moving to Africa" thing became a very real "I don't care, I'm leaving anyway" thing. I abused God's grace and settled for cheap forgiveness amidst the guilt of not being obedient. I was having a great time, and I was miserable.
About a week ago I was given the opportunity to be a small group leader at MS BSU Summer Missions Orientation, and I spent most of my time with these students trying to express to them how vital it is to their spiritual lives and their effectiveness as a summer missionary that they learn now how to feed themselves spiritually and prepare before they go for even the unknown challenges they will face. Now, this sounds impossible, right? I mean, how can one prepare for that of which he or she does not yet have knowledge? I attempted to explain to these students that God will prepare their hearts now for what He has in the future, even if they do not realize it is happening. In order for this to take place, though, they must be actively seeking Him.
Even as I spoke to these students I realized my message was one that had been staring me in the face for months as I struggled as hard as I could to see around it. Why am I so stubborn? What is it in me that shies away from direction, rebels at correction? I hate this! I must constantly struggle to put this stupid sin nature in me to death, yet somehow the truth is applicable that Christ has already conquered! I should be celebrating my (His) victory rather than still crawling around in the trenches poorly dodging enemy fire. This simply leaves me achy and covered in blah.
This is what I want to do now. I have roughly 3 weeks left in Clinton. Everything in me wants to be at home, and any little bit left over wants to be in Africa. However, I am here. I am sitting in West 227 on the campus of Mississippi College in Clinton, MS, and I am here for a reason. My Father has placed me here with a purpose, and I must care.
So to one I have wronged, I owe you a deep and sincere apology for not treating you as the beloved, priceless, incredible soul that you are. I desperately hope that my thoughtless actions have not pushed you along a path opposite that of which I hope to walk. I pray your soul will find rest in God alone, and that when you cannot find the control you long for, that you'll trust Him to direct your paths.
I'd like to leave you with this quotation from C. S. Lewis (see? I am working on that essay a little) that has been of much benefit to me when I choose to think on it and live according to its truth. Where I have been tempted to live carelessly, this has brought me back to a sobering but beautiful reality that guides my steps with much more caution and love.
There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whome we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. (from The Weight of Glory)
