I have a confession.
Last night, I laid in my bed and (in my head) yelled out all my complaints to God. I screamed at Him. I told him I wasn't okay with all the things going on in my life lately. I cried and complained and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told him how angry I was that things weren't going my way and how scared I was to give Him control. (I realize the idea that I have to "give" God control is silly, but sometimes emotions make us a little illogical.)
I fell asleep angry and begging for rest.
I woke up rested.
If you read Jon Acuff's blog today, this will sound like a rip-off, but I swear I was thinking it already. But sometimes I feel like I have to be so...proper? with Jesus. I feel like I should pray politically correctly. I spent a lot of time trying to say things so God won't be angry with me or think I'm rude and ungrateful. (Newsflash: I am! But that's kinda beside the point.) I'm really good with language. I use words to make me look good, to get what I want, to work situations out to my benefit... and sometimes I think that process will work with Jesus. If I just say things in the right way, He won't get mad at me. He'll like my prayers more. He'll like ME more!
Again, I realize this is stupid, but... I bet you do it too. Or maybe you don't.
Last night all reserves were gone. Last night I quit trying to impress God. Last night raw emotions took over. I'm not saying that yelling at God is a good idea. He reminded me of that whole conversation he had with Job about how I wasn't around when he formed the earth and so what right had I to accuse Him of making me miserable?
I feel like this is a really big step for me though. I've never been quite so honest with God. But I like this. I love realizing that I can tell Him anything. I mean, I knew that before...but...now I KNOW it. I've experienced it. I feel it.
I'm rambling. But I needed someone to know.
Progress is happening. Jesus still loves me. I still love Him. And I'm honest with Him now. And He's giving me rest, despite my idiocy.
That's amazing. That's grace. That's my Jesus.
Last night, I laid in my bed and (in my head) yelled out all my complaints to God. I screamed at Him. I told him I wasn't okay with all the things going on in my life lately. I cried and complained and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told him how angry I was that things weren't going my way and how scared I was to give Him control. (I realize the idea that I have to "give" God control is silly, but sometimes emotions make us a little illogical.)
I fell asleep angry and begging for rest.
I woke up rested.
If you read Jon Acuff's blog today, this will sound like a rip-off, but I swear I was thinking it already. But sometimes I feel like I have to be so...proper? with Jesus. I feel like I should pray politically correctly. I spent a lot of time trying to say things so God won't be angry with me or think I'm rude and ungrateful. (Newsflash: I am! But that's kinda beside the point.) I'm really good with language. I use words to make me look good, to get what I want, to work situations out to my benefit... and sometimes I think that process will work with Jesus. If I just say things in the right way, He won't get mad at me. He'll like my prayers more. He'll like ME more!
Again, I realize this is stupid, but... I bet you do it too. Or maybe you don't.
Last night all reserves were gone. Last night I quit trying to impress God. Last night raw emotions took over. I'm not saying that yelling at God is a good idea. He reminded me of that whole conversation he had with Job about how I wasn't around when he formed the earth and so what right had I to accuse Him of making me miserable?
I feel like this is a really big step for me though. I've never been quite so honest with God. But I like this. I love realizing that I can tell Him anything. I mean, I knew that before...but...now I KNOW it. I've experienced it. I feel it.
I'm rambling. But I needed someone to know.
Progress is happening. Jesus still loves me. I still love Him. And I'm honest with Him now. And He's giving me rest, despite my idiocy.
That's amazing. That's grace. That's my Jesus.
Just so you know, last week for several days in a row, I did the exact same thing. Except...out loud. Just know you're not alone. It's good to be open and honest and raw with Him. Great, even. It makes Him smile. And let me also just tell you, the days following those 3 days in a row have been pretty spectacular. Not because of spectacular things happening, but because of a spectacular God who works ALL things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His promise. Which we are, my friend. We are. Love you, sister!
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