Oh, wretched man that I am

I was reading this book called Bruchko with my 9th graders. It's a fantastic read. I highly recommend it. Not very literary, but very spiritually enriching.
So I was reading this book and we were talking in class about the part of the book where Bruce, missionary to a "stone age" South American people group who had never spent any significant amount of time with an outsider without killing them.  Pretty intense stuff.

Bruce is a really super guy, and he spends a lot of time with these people, even after they try to kill him. So after he's been there for a year or so and has learned the language, he starts searching for a way to introduce the gospel. He knows it can't be something that happens in his own timing, so he's really patient. Eventually God opens a door through an old prophecy and an old tradition in their culture, and he's able to tell these 4 guys the story of Jesus. They've never heard of this, and they are absolutely THRILLED beyond belief when they find that God became a man so that they could learn to walk in His path. They wanna know where to find Him so they can follow Him. So Bruce tells them.

"You killed him."
They panic.
"He was buried."
They despair.

All hope is lost. The light at the end of the tunnel is eclipsed. The possibility of being found is gone.
They weep.

Now, because Bruce is a good guy He explains that Jesus was resurrected and that's proof that He's God, and we can still learn to walk in His path. Things end well for the Motilone people, though the process is a long and painful one full of suffering and loss. It ends in hope and life and love.

But I was captivated by this story. I am moved each time I think of it.  It keeps coming back to mind. I can't stop imagining the hopelessness they felt at hearing Bruce's simple statement.
I'm frustrated this week with the essential sin nature of us despicable humans.  We're miserably sinful from top to bottom, inside, out. I've seen so much jealousy and apathy and gossip and slander and vengefulness and selfishness. And I see it all in myself, too. It's just been a long week of feeling like I'm only seeing the worst of people, and it's only bringing out the worst in me.  And I just wanna echo Paul's despairing cry, "O, wretched man that I am!"  Who will save me? Who can rescue me? Who is my deliverer?
I killed Him.
What have I done?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!! He has made a way!! There is hope, there is peace, there is love, there is rest, there is assurance, there is life. He has found me.
I'm no longer a slave. This body of death has been ripped away, and new life has begun.

Thanks be to God.
He has made a way.
Sin is conquered.
I'm not a slave to this.
I am free.
I am His. He is mine.

Thanks be to God.